I write tonight, and for the first time, I write because I want to, not because I have to. I WANT to tell you. Words are having a party in my heart, or maybe in my head. I can’t exactly tell at the moment I’m sorry but it’s so loud, they’re so loud. They’re dancing, singing, drinking & jumping around. Perhaps they’ll go silent in an hour, or twenty four or maybe in a week or much more, but tonight, they’re happy. Tonight, they celebrate the beauty & wonder that is them. And assuredly unbothered, tonight, I stay up with them, to gaze & admire.
I thought when you said you wanted me, that you meant you wanted only me. I thought that I was your result, the end of your search, but I was wrong. To you, I was just a paper in a magazine. A funny girl who the sight of didn’t make you gag, one of many. You’re bored now, onto the next page.
I get optimism now. I understand the need for it. Sometimes you can’t afford to be pessimistic or even realistic about a situation. You can’t afford considering the worst possibility. It cripples you to even momentarily think about it. It does not exist. Life is all happy endings. Your situation is the exception to the rule. It’ll never happen to you. Repeat this to yourself. Repeat it so you could wake up in the morning, go to work, eat, fall asleep, and be able to continue to breathe.